The Noob
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The Noob Poem
This poem is one I wrote in response to a question posted on a FFXI site asking how people defineds "n00bs". Being bored and in a silly mood, rather than just write a standard reply, I wrote a poem, which had a pretty good response . It Probably wont make much sense if you dont play FFXI, but if you do, you'll understand the majority of it .
Noobs...a tribute.
The n00b adventurerer starts his day,
Spamming the town with constant /say,
/sh {help me out} {I want to make money}
I need Gilz so bad, It's just not funny,
I needz some new armorz for my war, ya see,
Ah screw it, I'm going to IGE.
(5 MINUTES LATER)
He spends his Gilz with no thought or heed,
At level 2, is a SH a pressing need?
And then, armed up with a pile of sh*te,
He heads out to level the rest of the night.
He dies to a goblin, a /shout goes out then,
{You can have this} {money} PL me one through ten.
He searches the zone to find a white mage,
Spams his offer to them,causing much rage,
When the white mage politely declines to PL,
The n00b tells them /say STFU NOOB AND GO TO HELL.
He thinks that by cursing he looks big and scary,
When in real life we all know he's fat , sweaty and hairy.
He sits there in his room,performing all sorts of tricks,
With a sheep doll, some lube, and an analog stick,
He cants help it you see, its the party's hot whm mithra,
(What he doesn't know is that mithras a Mister,),
He asks her for cyber , but gets no reply,
Wonders why this hot mama's not curing , she's letting him die.
What he doesn't know, but what i will tell,
Is hes lmao'ing about him in linkshell,
Telling them all what a n00b this guy is,
With his lame {hand} {job} {please}, he think's he's the biz.
But everyone knows he's just lonely and sad,
Living at home with his mum and his dad.
He sends chatups, through /tell, using autotranslate,
The kind of thing all REAL girls hate,
{hands} {down} {trousers} {jerkin} {analog stick}
{please} {help me out} I need relief quick,
He goes afk, mid battle, for tissue,
From the manthra, a message >>Im going to blist you
Meanwhile the party is left with no tank,
Not that they notice, cos frankly, he stank.
He wouldnt provoke, and when they asked why,
He said "Cos then the mobz hitz me, and I dont want to die"
He can't do a skillchain, hell, he cant even hit,
Cos he still uses onion sword, which frankly, is sh*t.
So the party disbands him while he's still afk,
Get a new tank, and head on their why,
When the n00b comes back, he exclaims "What the hell!"
"They kicked me from party, well who carez, they smell
So he heads to the beach where the party is now,
And starts to abuse the Galka, and how.
"You are a nub, your party was sh*t,
Well you kicked me and frankly I dont care a bit."
Well, as he's insulting the day turns to night,
And we all know what happens in dunes then right ?
While hes insulting others, and not paying attention,
A bogy is coming with evil intention.
Now, the bogys a good one, he takes out the trash,
(He's employed by the GM'S, they pay him in cash)
And if theres one thing that brings out a bogy in rage,
Its that godawful combo, the warrior/whitemage.
He readies his powers, and with just one attack,
He has that n00b squashed out flat.
The n00b has enough at this point , and logs out,
Sells his gil back to Ige and deletes his account,
He packs up his back, and departs for WOW,
And to this day, thats where he is now,
Things on wow may not be kickin'
But what does he care, at least he has chicken !