Sorry if this is long....
I'll start with a few facts about my self.
1-female, over 35.(nuff said, and have no problem being a b***** if need be.
2-Leveled and played my Holy pally as Holy since BC came out.
3-Been in the same guild the majority of that time.
4-Hate pugs.
5-I do my research and learn my character for stats and needed as much as possible, with a full time job.
6-Main healer most of the time in my guild.
7-Love Healing.
8-With correct gear/trinkets etc-Stats..Healing/Spell bonus-1793, a few crafted epics, mana regen-250ish,Haste over 200, Holy Crit 24.50% est. Mana pool over 16k. Specced full Holy with Kings and for Crit.
Now the issues that are causing or aggrivating my Emo-ness.
I've heard the term Skill>Gear, and I am now at a point of wondering if I have the skill to be a good solid main healer. Feel free to check my armory, Garly/Gorgonnash (not sure what I have on atm-questing)
I'll admit I am somewhat spoiled by the tanks in our guild, 1 druid, 1 prot pally, BOTH excellet tanks. I know how they work and how they play, and they know me.
But recently I was asked to do a pug but a friend for timed Cot, of which I've never run on heroic before. I've done heroics with my guild and have been fine, a few close calls but we take the time with each other to explain the fights etc. Well anyway, I let them know it's new to me and proceed, we have a DK tank, quite a few heroic/Naxx epics, Defense about 525, a hunter, mage, lock. We do the 1st boss ok. Well, long story short, the DK heads into a group of mobs, that includes the 2nd boss+lots of adds and he goes down fast, he's IMO taking quite a bit of crit damage, and pulled to many mobs the 2 clothies are taking lots of damage, I'm getting hit by the adds and my heals are getting interrupted, even throwing out a consecrate to keep adds off me. It's all I can do to keep the tank healed and that's using my biggest heal, repeatedly, resulting in oom. I try Beacon, and heal the clothies, but he's still going down fast. Needless to say, by wipe 3. I'm using everything I have available to me as a pally. I offer to back out of the grp, telling my friend that they need a differnt type of healer for this fight and tank...a druid or priest would possibly be beter suited with HoTs. Explain I'm trying my best but can't keep him up they say no, they want to continue, well needless to say...the same pattern continues, I try to adjust my healing rotation, etc...to no avail. Clothies both go down almost together, then tank. Wipe 5, I very nicely get ask to leave, so they can find a replacement, and I do so. 10 mins later I see the hunter in the grp in Dal, and wonder if they managed to finish or wiped with a different healer?
Needless to say, every since then I've been feeling somewhat inadaquate(before then aswell), I know I need to do "some" pugs for gear in preparation a Naxx run we are going to put together soon. I technically meet min requirement for Naxx but feel like I should be running for best I can get before hand, in addition to badges. If I see guildies in a heroic, I wonder why I wasn't asked...granted alot of us function on different time zones/schedules. Is it that they'd rather get a better healer? Yes I have asked and get the "you're doing fine" but I wonder if they're just being nice. But...I just can't bring myself to do it! I'm basically feeling like I don't have to skill to carry a 5 man anymore in addition, I can't take the elitist attitudes that go with those pugs or if it's just fear holding me back.
I don't use lots of addons, just the basic raiding ones, nothing like the healbot ones that tell you what to do next, I'm not as fast as I once was, or maybe as reactive as I should be or handling all the new pally healing changes quick enough. Yes, I was of the spam era and am trying my best to adjust to the more involved healing changes, I take pride in my toon and always try to keep her up to speed and prepared, but now feel like it might be time to put her up if I can't take the pressure of healing.
So have any of you had these moments, how do you get past or do you hang it up? Any advice on gear, etc would be appreciated.
Again sorry if you endured all my emo-ness to this point.
And Bode if you're out there, I model her after you as a reference point.